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Reviews

Metal Man (2008)

If you ever wanted to see a low-rent version of Iron Man… then you’re in luck! I present to you Metal Man! A movie about a lab tech named Kyle (Samuel Nathan Hoffmire) that gets fused with a suit cobbled together from pieces of children’s toys and random things from a junk yard.  After some thugs kill Dr. Blake (Reggie Bannister), the creator of this clearly state-of-the-art technology, Kyle sets out to bring them to justice, while framed for a murder. Meanwhile Sebastian, orchestrator of  the whole dastardly project, is trying to replicate the powers of the suit with his own piece of crap. Kyle can alter the suit at...

Joysticks (1983)

If you grew up in the early 80’s school era, and you feel the need to relive the dark dingy shitty arcade games from that time period, than I would say this movie would be perfect for you. What we have in Joysticks is the basic ’80s teen sex comedy, except that instead of taking place in a summer camp/beach/roller rink/car wash, it takes place in and around a video arcade. It is a tits and ass spectacular that fails to deliver enough tits or ass to be spectacular. It is 1983, so of course the hottest joint in town is Bailey’s Video Arcade, run by everybody’s best pal,...

Hammerhead : Shark Frenzy (2005)

Hammerhead: Shark Frenzy is a very predictable low budget horror, but being the shark fan I am, I had to go ahead and watch it.  I mean a movie involving a stem cell born beastie with the features of a Hammerhead shark and a human has to be good. One can only assume that DNA experiments gone wrong aren’t “in” anymore; it’s time to enter the era of stem cell experiments gone wrong. The plot of the film goes down many different paths that affect the flow of the story. It goes from mad scientist to creature flick to action, back to mad scientist in about every other scene...

The FP (2011)

  This is one bad-ass bad movie. In an unnamed future, two gangs (the 248’s and 245’s) fight for control of dilapidated Frazier Park (a.k.a. “The FP’’). Be clad in denim jumpsuits, moon boots, gold tooth caps, and other fashion accessories which have seemingly slipped through a 80’s time warp, the ganstas settle turf disputes in the most brutal, gruelling way imaginable —– head to head competition on a dance videogame (Beat Beat). Moves-buster champ BTRO (Brandon Barrera) dies during a super-intense dance competition and his younger bro, JTRO (Jason Trost) swears off Beat Beat for life. He’s done; he’s seen enough of this bloodshed, and walks away. One...

Galaxis (1995)

Galaxis is an incredibly bad science-fiction film, a film so bad it needs to go by aliases: Galaxis AKA Galactic Force AKA Star Crystal AKA Terminal Force. Something about the story is that an evil magician lord who is trying to conquer the universe shows up in some ship and shoots people dead and then everything teleports to earth for a typical 1990’s SF action flick where the buxom alien warrior strides around the streets of L.A. Blowing things up and being all ‘alien’ about it . Before the obligatory shift into the ‘present day Earth’, there are spaceships, futuristic battlegrounds, a quest for a crystal, a cackling villain...

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